The Trouble of Parting
by kwayland
Summary: AU where Kili lives but Thorin and Fili still die. The battle ends with Tauriel and Kili together. Kili remembers the death of his brother and seeks his body and Tauriel, unsure of what else to do follows. A story of love and loss and the question of what happens next when seemingly everything is lost and people (or elves or dwarves) are going their separate ways. A Kiliel story
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys :) For my fans…I promise I'll finish that Dramione fic sometime, I just wasn't having as much fun as I wanted to, but I'm sure that will change. Either way, hello! This is an AU story in case any of you didn't get that from the summary and it's largely based of movie events (semi-unfortunately) instead of book events because of the inclusion of Tauriel. This was intended as a one-shot but I'm tempted to continue it because I like where it went. And for Bellarke or The 100 fans…there's a little reference for you guys :)

Tauriel crawled over to Kili, her hands chafing against the rough stone, and leaned over his body, peering at his face. His eyes weren't open but he was breathing very faintly. All Tauriel could really recall after she'd been flung against the rock, as her vision was switching between white flashes of stars and blurred images of Bolg and Kili moving swiftly and forcefully together, was Legolas appearing from nowhere in a swish of blonde hair and disappearing with Bolg as Kili crashed to the rocks. Tauriel silently hoped Legolas was okay as she brought her ear down to Kili's chest and listened for a heartbeat. Her eyes could've been playing tricks on her when it came to the breathing but if two senses told her he was alive that was a much more compelling argument.

It was there. Less than faintly. It was pounding hard; almost out of his chest and into her ear. She sighed in relief and rested all her weight on his chest as the relief coursed through her body. Laughing half-heartedly she brought her head up so she could stare at his face. She lightly trailed her fingers over the stubble on his cheeks, grateful she wasn't left to do the same to a corpse. She wasn't going to leave him until she knew he was okay.

She could hear the clashes of swords and screams echoing from below and from the other side of the cliff and imagined all of the other people who were not as lucky as her. Who were losing their best friends, their loved ones, their family. It was the first time she finally understood where Thranduil had been coming from. Was all of this death really worth the agonizing pain and the finality of death? Death. Something she'd never really considered seriously because it wasn't something she often had to face.

But of course it was worth it. They were fighting for this world and the ability to be continue living in it. And they were a part of this world. She couldn't help wondering, however, if she'd feel the same way if Kili's heart wasn't beating strongly beneath her hand.

"Tau…Tau-riel?" his voice coughed below her. She heard his breathing quicken and she shifted her attention back to him, brushing aside hair from his forehead. "It's alright," she whispered, "It's alright. We're alright. Does anything hurt?"

"No," he said, "I'm fine." He struggled to stand, pushing aside her assistance and leaned back against the stone, catching his breath from the effort. Tauriel stood herself and watched him with interest. What was the value in not telling the truth? He was definitely far from fine. While he could move without much strain there was something in his eyes. Something she'd seen when he'd woken, something that hadn't left, but instead increased the longer he was conscious.

"Kili. Tell me…what is the matter?" She extended her hand to his shoulder to steady him as he was falling sideways gradually. He quickly straightened and dodged her touch as subtly as he could. Tauriel didn't understand. She understood little of love, or whatever this was between them, but she understood even less of dwarves. Tauriel couldn't disguise the hurt in her eyes as she flinched away. Could she possibly have lost him anyways? How had she done that? Was it because she hadn't gone with him when he'd asked? Because she hadn't said anything when he'd told her how he felt so forwardly? Tauriel felt suddenly overwhelmed and desired nothing more than to float away into they sky and back in time when she'd had passion and drive but little notion of any other feelings.

Kili registered the pain and panic in her the creases around her eyes and mouth and sighed, his eyes softening slightly but not losing the dark and heavy something. "I'm sorry…I…" What Tauriel didn't know is ever since Kili had woken up he was replaying Fili dropping hundreds of feet and his body, eyes gaping soullessly open, sprawled at awkward angles against the grey. His brother was dead. He was alive. What was right about that?

"What?" Tauriel said gently.

"He's dead," Kili said shortly. Tauriel winced. She wasn't sure who he was talking about but he looked on the verge of maniacal, sardonic laughter. "And here I am. We should've gone out together. We always thought we would. What am I going to say to Amad?" He wasn't talking to anyone but himself now. Tauriel thought through his words, dissecting each one as best she could with the smidgens of information she knew about him, and gasped inwardly at her conclusion. He had a brother. Fili? Fili. His brother was dead. She didn't feel the need to confirm her theory in fear of uttering his name, unsure of what destruction it would cause. In fact, she had no idea what to do so she stood there and watched him with worry. She thought back to images of comforting she'd seen in her lifetime and briefly considered trying to hug him or stroke his hair. But considering his avoidance of her hand on his shoulder and the uncomfortableness she would feel, she didn't. She wasn't going to say anything either because she knew the right words were not something she had possession of. Which left her as she was and had been. Standing and staring. Helplessly and uncomfortably.

"I need to see him," he murmured. He started walking determinedly away from Tauriel and up the mountainside, picking up and down the rocks, trying to find a way through to the other side where his brother had fallen. Tauriel followed. She couldn't think of anything else to do and she'd promised not to leave him.

He didn't say a word to her as they hiked. Tauriel took that as a good sign and flitted around behind him in worry as he grimaced with almost every step. As the seconds grew larger so did his limp until he was practically lurching as though he were crippled. She couldn't stand it any longer. She drew even with him and bravely laid a hand on his shoulder. He started in surprise. His thoughts had obviously been elsewhere.

"We should rest," she said. She didn't know what his reply would be and it scared her. He probably didn't even want her here with him.

Again, no words. But he sat down against a wall on top of one of the only flatter rocks and put his head between his knees. She knelt down beside him and touched his left leg; the one that hadn't been supporting his weight as it was supposed to be. She tugged the pant leg from his boot and rolled it up to his knee. There was an extremely large bruise blossoming along the back of his calf. She laid both of her hands on the dark red skin and she murmured a few choice words in elvish. The bruise didn't appear to change but she sensed from the huff of breath that left Kili, that the pain had dissipated somewhat as she'd intended. She remained kneeling beside him but averted her eyes to give him privacy, instead turning her eyes to the sky.

"The eagles," she whispered, "The battle is won." Kili lifted his head from his knees and glanced up at her words. He watched them fly by solemnly and then stood. "We should continue," he said, "It won't be much longer until I'm missed."

"Of course."

And they kept walking. She was trying to catch glimpses of the battle below through breaks in the rocks and was completely clueless when Kili tore away from her side, sprinting down the remaining rock and onto the ice of a water fall. He made it to two sillouhettes against the setting sun. One body was definitely still, the other shaking and heaving. And then Kili was shaking and heaving. Tauriel did not want to intervene but her curiosity won out as she approached the huddled group and blinked in amazement as she saw the body of Thorin Oakenshield still and cold. She stepped away and slipped back onto a rock where she sat in stunned silence. Kili had lost everyone. His pain was becoming her pain and she began to realize how much she didn't want this, how much she wished she could hide away in the forest with Thranduil and her kin. She began to cry, the grief overwhelming her.

She couldn't avert her eyes from Bilbo and Kili as they mourned. Eventually Kili was joined by all his kin who had come up to retrieve the bodies of both Fili and Thorin. Now she definitely felt she was imposing and so rose from the rock, making the decision to find Legolas. She had just gone on her search when Kili looked up from his uncle and peered around the surrounding rocks, looking for that fiery red hair but it was nowhere to be seen, of course. He stood, saying a couple of words to his kin, and then chased after her. He frantically whipped his head around as he ran, hoping something would make it clear which way she'd gone. He finally saw her lithely walking a couple hundred feet to the left of him and he went after her.

Tauriel ceased calling Legolas' name and turned at the sound of feet clomping behind her. Kili was coming towards her. When he saw her stop, he slowed to a jog, and then a walk as he got even closer and finally came to a full halt when he was a couple feet in front of her. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm looking for my prince."

"Right." Tauriel spotted something which she'd seen in Legolas countless times before. Jealousy. Kili's eyes were puffy and red and his cheeks were still wet.

"I felt as though I was imposing," she whispered. "I did not belong there."

"You did. You belong wherever I am," he said confidently, "I don't think splitting up has ever been in our best interest."

"Perhaps not," she smiled weakly. Kili reached over and grasped her hands in his. This time she was prepared for the warmth and the surprising gentleness of his rough skin and she didn't let any shock show on her face. Instead she weaved her fingers between his and tried to take comfort from the contact. As did he.

"I'm sorry," he said. "About the way I behaved earlier. You were being kind."

"You were grievously hurt. I understand."

"Thank you for not leaving me," he mumbled.

"Of course."

He leaned in, releasing her hands, and winding them instead around her waist. She stood stock still not wanting to interrupt whatever he was doing. "You know," he whispered, "I wouldn't mind if you returned the hug."

"Right." She didn't move for almost a minute and then she slipped her arms around his shoulders as delicately as she could, unsure what the proper pressure for this sort of contact was. He sensed how awkward she was and he stepped out of the embrace, laughing quietly as tears fell down his cheeks and the laughing quickly turned to sobs as he fell back against a wall and sunk down to the ground. Tauriel joined him and stroked his hair, her fingers rippling through the gentle waves. Occasionally they would catch in knots and she would unravel them as methodically as possible before continuing her motions. He was leaning into her hands and then suddenly his head was on her thigh. She was shaking with his shoulders now but she didn't stop as it appeared to be helping.

It wasn't long before the shadows overtook the light and there was not much left to see by. She released his hair and raised his head with her hands as slowly as possible. "We should go," she whispered.

He stood in a rush, turned from her, wiped his eyes, and turned back. "Yes," he declared. "They'll be singing songs and sharing stories of Thorin and…Fi…yes, Thorin. I really shouldn't miss it."

Tauriel knew without having to ask that they'd be splitting up no matter what Kili said. That was not something she was invited to. "And I have to find Legolas," she said.

"Will you go with him?" Kili asked.

"I do not know. Probably not. I will probably go my own way."

"You don't have to leave."

"I think we both know this is never going to work," she sighed. She'd been hoping to delay this conversation for another day when there was less on his mind but it had come up now. She just hoped he wasn't going to fight her on it.

"Who cares what everyone else thinks? I do love you and don't tell me you don't know what that means because I said it in a language we both understand this time. And I think you feel the exact same way. That's enough."

She didn't know if she loved him. Then she thought back on the fear that she'd lost him, the relief when she hadn't, the intense pain over the deaths of dwarves she'd barely known, and she thought that she probably did love him. "I must go," was all she said. She turned, not wanting to face him any longer and began to walk away.

"Wait, Tauriel!"

She closed her eyes before returning her gaze to his. There was no telling how much longer she could resist him and the youthful confidence, bordering on arrogance, that he displayed. She may not be able to see a way in which they could ever be together but as long as he could the barrier of resistance would be a weak one.

"Do you still have my rune stone?"

She nodded. She pulled it out of her tunic and held it out to him. He approached her and wrapped her hands back around it with his.

"Keep it." He stood on the tops of his toes and using his hand he brought her face down to his and pressed his lips against hers chastely but sweetly, before pulling away slowly, letting it linger.

"May we meet again," he whispered into her ear. "May we meet again," she whispered back, fighting back a smile, and then strode away from Kili, leaving him to watch her go. But the farther away they got from each other the more Tauriel pondered the kiss and brushed her fingers across her lips and the more Kili was smiling despite the pain of losing his family because he knew she'd be back. Most likely. Who could really tell with elves?


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! Thanks so much for the support already, it's kind of insane. I'm more than happy to keep writing this. It's kind of a fun exercise since it allows me to explore this characters more deeply; something I haven't really done. Much thanks to the reviewers, Wizard xp, Pikachudragon, rtaylor23, Celebrisilweth, Riverwinde, and GoddessKalina. They're much appreciated. Thanks for all the favorites as well: BootsBoots and Lumiya1989 who weren't mentioned yet...and to the unmentioned followers: Amilasse, Marg1780, VeniVediVici, jaydenmercy, and snazzyviolet. You guys are all the best :)

Kili picked his way lethargically down the mountain, unsure how any times he almost tripped and fell, which probably would've ended in his death, and when he reached the bottom the company was waiting for him. They were sitting gathered together, heads bowed, the conversation stagnant. Kili stumbled in among them and they all glanced up from their mourning and memories to nod their heads in his direction. Dwalin even managed to stand up and bring his forehead to Kili's, touching it briefly. He wasn't crying, but remnants of tears were in his eyes and Kili tried to smile at him. He didn't know why. Smiling seemed like the thing to do, for some reason, but whether it was or wasn't, it came out as a grimace that Dwalin returned. Grimace for grimace. Kili sighed heavily and sunk down on the ground with the rest of them, who hadn't had the legs to stand.

"What're you all doing here?" he whispered.

"We just said good bye to Bilbo and Gandalf so we'd left the feast anyways," Balin answered. "Nobody had seen you come down from…there…and we didn't want you to be alone."

"Thank you."

Ori reached over and rested a hand on Kili's shoulder. He let it stay there for as long as he could possibly manage before shrugging out from underneath the contact and raising himself up from the rock. "I'm…are they still telling stories?"

Balin nodded. "Aye, most likely, laddie, but they're drunk, especially Dain, who took it upon himself to do a lot of the telling. Still, some of it is probably worth hearing."

"Any of…my brother?"

Balin shook his head. "Mentions here and there. Nobody knew him like you or Thorin did. And Dis isn't here. I'm sure you would be given time to…"

"No," Kili said, "I can't…I can barely even think his name. Or my uncle's. I think I'll just go to bed." He started to move away and then paused, feeling slightly guilty. They'd waited for him and he was already leaving. "Walk with me," he said. They followed him silently back into the mountain. Once they were inside, they let Kili go his own way and returned to the feasting and drinking, where sure enough Dain was telling yet another story of a younger Thorin.

Kili slipped through the dimly lit halls towards the room he'd been given, a generic and sparsely decorated one, but with a bedroom and bedsheets. Halfway there he thought he heard faint laughter. His brother's laughter. And sometimes when the light flickered across the walls it was as though his head had just whipped around a corner and his blonde hair was still just visible. His legs were itching to run after the illusion but the trouble was he knew it was one. He got to his bedroom and plopped down on the bed. He didn't light any candles or lay down. He gazed up at the ceiling of his room and fought the tears that were burning the corners of his eyes. The longer he stared at the ceiling the more apparent it became that he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. Or for many days hence. So Kili lifted himself off the bed, lit a candle, and shut his door behind him as he left. He found the stairs that led down past the hoard of gold that no one had addressed, down past old mining hot spots, down past where Kili had ever been. When he reached the bottom of the cold, dank stairs he saw an array of tombs covered with the sculptures of the deceased. There'd been a large procession early in the day, Kili was sure, when they'd brought Thorin and Fi…Fili down here. He wound his way towards his brother and his uncle, keeping his hand against the smooth rock walls, enjoying the cool dampness on his fingertips. If they belonged anywhere, it was here. The place they'd fought tooth and nail to get to. They both would've felt at home here if they'd ever gotten the chance to make it one. And his brother would've begun his training to succeed Thorin on the throne and Thorin would've been the greatest King this world had seen in hundreds of years and he, Kili, would've been with Fili…

He rested his hands on top of Fili's tomb and let the tears flow quietly. He stood there all night. Halfway through he was joined by Gloin, Dwalin, and Balin who couldn't sleep either and they stayed with him until morning. Then they left to eat, something they could still do, apparently. Kili wasn't feeling particularly hungry. It wasn't long before it was mid-afternoon.

Kili heard footsteps behind him but didn't look around to see who it was. He didn't care. He didn't feel like talking to anybody except his brother. And his brother wasn't here.

A hand grasped his shoulder hard and he finally peered to his side to see a flash of a white beard. Balin.

"Laddie, I'm not going to pretend I know exactly how you feel but you can't stay down here forever. The way I see it, we all could've died out there…we probably all had our fair shot at it too, but we didn't die. Don't waste that gift and die down here. You've got a fire, Kili, one that might even rival Thorin's. He wouldn't want you to let it disappear," he sighed when Kili's face remained blank. "At least come back upstairs where there's more light and eat something. Please."

Kili stepped and nearly tumbled over onto the ground. He hadn't moved or sat down in hours and his legs acted as though they were paralyzed. Balin caught his arm and helped him up the first couple of stairs before Kili tugged out of his grasp and continued the rest of the way up himself. He glanced back once or twice to make sure Balin was keeping up and on one such occasion, he was almost positive he'd seen a smile from the older dwarf.

When Kili walked into the makeshift mess hall, that included scattered scraps from the last meal and a small collection of dwarves who were slower eaters or who'd been doing something else earlier, everyone looked up at him expectantly, like he was supposed to break into song or weave a great tale. He ignored the stares and sat at the emptiest table pulling over whatever he could reach and without looking at it, putting it in his mouth. Balin sat down across from him and said nothing, but Kili could see in his peripheral vision that Balin kept sneaking glances at everyone else in the room and biting the inside of his cheek in worry.

Finally Kili put down the food he was chewing on and said exasperatedly, "What, Balin?" after he'd noticed the dwarf was chewing his cheek much more harshly and staring off into space much more often.

"Gandalf had a word with me and Dain before he left."

"Okay. So?"

Balin groaned. "The enemy is back. Erebor is still a place of strategic value to him and, while we did more damage than he intended, we barely scraped through. Kili, there will be another battle for Erebor and it's coming a lot quicker than you'd think; in your lifetime. We've got years of rebuilding ahead, we need a solution to the issue of the gold, and we need to prepare for the possibility that a battle could someday come to our gates."

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

"I admit, it's less than ideal. You haven't been prepared for this, not really, and you're still very young, but Kili, you're heir to the throne of Erebor now. Dwarves need someone on that throne. We need direction and a leader to get behind. We need you to take up that role. You'll have people to help you, Dain and me and the rest of the company, and you wouldn't be expected…"

Kili was shaking his head furiously. Balin trailed off as he noticed this and reached across the table to take Kili's hand in his. "It's your duty, laddie."

"I can't, Balin. That's not me. That's Thorin. That's Fili. It was never something I was going to do; never something I could do. Dain. Dain can do it. I know Dain can do it. Have him be King Under the Mountain, not me. I don't mind. He can have it."

"Do you think he wants it either? It's not about what we want anymore. There's more than just dwarves depending on us now…the men of Laketown are as well. As much as I would like this to be something we could delay, it's not."

"I…"

"I know," Balin whispered. He paused before continuing. "Both Thranduil and Bard would like to meet you as soon as possible. When would you prefer that to happen?"

"Never," Kili grumbled. "Especially not with those pompous…" he trailed off at a glare from Balin.

"Hear me this once, please. They just want what is owed to them. Thorin's prejudices do not have to be yours. The hatred between dwarves and elves and the discontent we've created with Bard are things that you can mend if you so choose."

Kili eyed the table and the fork that he was using to push his food around his plate. Fili was never far from his thoughts, even when he'd been alive, and now, all he wanted was his brother sitting beside him laughing in Balin's face about how ridiculous this was. But what he really wanted was someone to talk to. Someone who wasn't going to bring up all this King Under the Mountain stuff and would listen to him complain about being…king.

That's when Kili started laughing and he couldn't stop. Balin didn't even pretend to laugh along with him. He just grimaced and a deep sadness entered his eyes, one that spoke to years of watching people he cared about fall apart. It wasn't long before Kili's maniacal laughter turned into heaving sobs that made his shoulders shake. Balin stood and crossed to Kili's side of the table and pulled him against his chest and held him tightly. There was nothing else he could do.

Kili had never felt so alone in his life.

—

Tauriel had started tracking Legolas the moment Kili had left her on Ravenhill. He hadn't been hard to find as he'd camped for the night before trying to find passage across the lake to Laketown in the morning. She entered his camp, a clearing that had sparse vegetation and not much protection, hands up. He'd started as she'd anticipated and pulled out a dagger from his boot, running at her. When he saw the position of surrender and her red hair he lowered his dagger, "Tauriel?"

"Legolas."

"Come join me."

Tauriel went and sat beside the fire he had built, her legs crossed underneath her. Legolas did the same beside her and they stared into the fire for a while not moving or saying a word. Tauriel could sense that Legolas wanted to flood her with questions and she was very grateful that he didn't because it was likely she wouldn't know the answers.

After some time, when Tauriel had gathered herself and thought she could have the conversation that needed to be had with someone that had become her friend she murmured, "Where are you going?"

"Not home. I can't live there anymore."

Tauriel nodded. She was silently pleased that she'd had such an effect on him. Legolas continued as the lull grew louder with words unsaid, "I'm going to find the Dunedain. One named Strider, to be specific. My father seems to think he's important."

"Are you going to miss your father?" Tauriel asked.

Legolas didn't answer and she wasn't going to bring it up again. It wasn't really any of her business, perhaps.

"Where are you going?" he asked her.

"I do not know."

"Come with me."

"Legolas…"

"I could use the company on the road. Besides, do you really have anywhere else to go?"

She shook her head. "I am banished and behind me are dwarves, whom elves do not get along with. But, Legolas, I cannot go that far west without promise of being able to do something. And…"

"You do not wish to go that far west either," he interrupted her. "You wish to stay within distance of him, don't you? You might never be able to be with him but you want to be there if the opportunity arises."

"No," Tauriel said. "That's not it. I trust Kili would have a fulfilling life with or without me. However, going to the Dunedain does not serve any purpose for me. I do not wish to meet this Strider. I don't know what I want, Legolas, but it isn't that."

"Very well," he whispered. "I just wish you to not be lost."

"I would still be lost if I went with you."

"I'm beginning to understand that," he sighed. "Bettering the world has always been important to you. Find something that accomplishes that."

"But where do I fit in the world? I am no longer what I once was and I can't ever be it again. I've always known my place."

"Have you?" Legolas laughed, "I can recall many times where you overstepped your boundaries with me and my father in an attempt to make us understand the repercussions of our actions. You, Tauriel, have always been and will always be you. And wherever in the world you end up, you will still be you. I do not know about your place in the world but perhaps you don't need one. Forge your own. It's something you're capable of."

Tauriel pondered his words, deep in thought. Legolas watched her for a few moments and then turned back to the fire. "But what place do I forge?"

"That I cannot tell you. That is something you'll have to discover for yourself. And you can. I know that."

She gazed at him helplessly. Perhaps, for the first time, Legolas could see her better than she could see herself. She settled down with her back on the ground and her eyes facing the stars and a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as the light reached her. She gathered strength from it. The strength to look inside of herself, leap over the fear that was holding her hostage, and truly ask herself what she wanted and if she could achieve it.

"I'm going to stay," she whispered, "I'm going to help the men and dwarves rebuild this land to it's former glory and I'm going to mend the relations between dwarves and elves."

"How are you going to do that?" surprised at the answer she'd come to. Dwarves and elves were hopeless. He couldn't imagine a day where he would ever befriend an elf. "It is not something that can be mended."

"Not in your mind," she said firmly.

"You do just want to stay with him."  
"Do not ever accuse me of that, Legolas," she growled. "Love is not enough to sustain me and it has never been. I would not have stayed had there been nothing for me to do here." Her face was alight with passion and Legolas thought she'd never looked so beautiful than now, with the firelight elongating the angles of her face.

"I may never see you again," he said.

"That is the nature of this world." Then to soften the blow of her words she extended her hand to his shoulder and pulsed it gently between her fingertips. "You will be fine, Legolas. You're an excellent fighter, with rank, and you've got purpose. I have never heard of Strider but something tells me that it will be the start of a great journey or else your father would not send you to him."

Legolas scooted closer to her, reached down his hand to pull her back into an upright position, and then wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She returned the hug and Legolas whispered, "I am going to miss you."

"As will I."

Then they settled in separate places around the fire and took some rest. In the morning, when Legolas retreated from his dreams, Tauriel was gone. She was walking back towards Erebor. She had a newfound purpose and was sure of the decision she had made but part of her was afraid. Afraid her help would be turned away because of who she was and that she'd be left in the same position she'd been in.

It was cold out and the rocks and clouds were dreary and grey. Ash was still floating in the air and landing in her hair, blotting out the color of her hair one strand at a time. Even though she had direction and she knew that she might be able to see Kili again soon, she'd never felt so alone, her body the only silhouette against the bleak landscape.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys :) I know it's been a while but this chapter is significantly longer so hopefully that makes up for it? One thing I need to mention really quick is that I borrow the concept of Dwarves having a One from determamfidd's excellent fic, _Sansukh, _over on ao3. Besides that, thanks to BootsBoots, Wizard xp, and Celebrisilweth for the reviews. I love them and keep them coming. Thanks to Kazra for the favorite, and Davidtou, Rusty136, galad6, and yvonnebobby for the follows. (Whatever you believe in) bless you all.

Kili had taken, in the past couple of days, to wandering the largely empty, deeper halls of Erebor under the pretense of giving thought to what Balin had told him. All he was really doing was searching. For what, he wasn't sure, but something that made him smile or something that made him stop thinking about his brother's laugh that he heard in every small groan of the mountain, or the flash in his warm eyes that he saw in every candle flicker. His only thought of what Balin discussed with him was how absolutely insane he must be to believe that Kili would have any interest whatsoever four days after his uncle and his brother had died.

He was wandering now as he'd been doing when he turned a corner and found Balin and Dwalin muttering to each other by the light of a torch. He could only catch a couple of words the two were sharing but he had a distinct impression that they were talking about him. And if not, it was still something important because they bothered coming all the way down to the recesses of the mountain to avoid the ears of others.

He considered staying behind the corner and attempting to catch every word he could as maybe he'd learn something but he couldn't seem to make sentences out of what he was given so he revealed himself and walked straight towards them. No sense in being discreet about it.

"Good afternoon," he said rather loudly as his face crept into their circle of light. Balin and Dwalin both spun when they heard his voice and both had the decency to look ashamed.

"What are you two talking about?"

Dwalin and Balin glanced at each other. Dwalin sighed and waved his large hand at Balin as though allowing him permission to do something. Balin's eyes crinkled and his head titled to the side as though he was suddenly very unsure that what he'd been seeking permission to do was in fact the right course of action. Dwalin was watching his older brother struggle and then sighed, bringing his shoulders back, and standing up taller.

"Balin, Dain, and I had a discussion with Bard today since you were unwilling to." Kili could sense the judgement underneath the statement and he glared at his kin for the underhanded blow. "And he mentioned, among other things, that there was a certain red-haired elf maiden helping them build temporary shelters. Now, I thought we shouldn't tell you because you're just going to go run off to see her as you're young, impulsive, and disgustingly romantic and what we really need is for you to be King, Your Majesty."

That was the first time anybody had ever used a title in his direction and Kili winced. It sounded even more wrong than he thought it would. He knew Dwalin had said that very purposefully because Balin was now giving him a deprecating look. Dwalin then continued with his speech because his brother still remained silent, "Balin on the other hand will be glad we told you because he thinks that this Elf can ease your pain and can convince you of your duty."

"Her name's Tauriel," Kili grumbled. "She's in Laketown? Has she asked for me? Why didn't she come here?"

"Laddie," Balin finally interjected, "I know you care for her…"

"Care," Dwalin scoffed.

"Yes, care, brother," he said before turning his attention back to Kili, "But she's trying to be reasonable I think. She understands more about this world than you do."

"What do you…"

"You two can't be together. You understand that right?" Dwalin said. "I dislike being so blunt with you, Kili, but she's elf-kind. Not only do our people not get along with theirs but they are immortal. She will have to watch you grow old and die. Can you do that to her? Is that even a relationship worth having?"

Balin settled a hand on Dwalin's shoulder and squeezed very hard. Kili's expression was shocked and blank and it appeared as though he was never going to talk ever again. Dwalin sighed and rested his forehead against Kili's. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "That was much harsher than I intended. I only worry you don't understand the importance of you taking your place as King Under the Mountain. That was not the way to go about it, however, forgive me."

Kili cast his eyes downward and nodded against Dwalin's forehead. "Of course I forgive you." He parted from his kin and said as he walked away, "Maybe you are right. But I am going to see her, nonetheless, because I don't really believe you're right."

Dwalin sighed and moved to go after Kili but Balin held him back, "Let him go, brother. He'll be alright. He needs to figure this out for himself."

"Will he be back?"

"He's of Durin's line. He'll be back," Balin said.

Kili left Erebor through the main entrance and hiked down the foot of the mountain towards the lake. It took him much of the afternoon and the beginnings of the evening before he reached the edge of the lake and started walking around the lake towards the left edge where the residents of Laketown had built camp until there were enough resources to begin rebuilding where their village had once stood. The lake was littered with debris from the destruction and Kili could see remnants of the foundations still in the center. His mind inflamed with sorrow and guilt for what had happened to these people. He knew there was nothing he could've done and that he wasn't to blame but they were displaced; they'd lost more than he had.

He reached their camp as the sun was setting and he slipped through the tents and makeshift huts searching for a face he recognized. A woman saw him as she was washing some clothing in the lake. She brushed the hair from her face and came towards him, straight-faced and solemn. "Your one of those dwarves in that company, arent' you?"

"Aye."

"Can't you leave us in peace?" she asked. Kili hadn't seen her anger coming. He knew she could see the surprise in his face but she kept right on, nonetheless, in the same quite, calm manner. Kili thought it was perhaps more terrifying than someone shouting at him. "We don't want your help. You brought dragon fire down upon us and then when we came begging to you because we had _nothing_ you turned us away with less than nothing. You took away our hope. Any hope that maybe our children would live through the winter; any hope that we wouldn't be constantly questioning where are next meal would come from."

Kili didn't say a word just took it all in silence, grimacing. He was feeling more and more terrible the longer he was here. Maybe this had been a bad idea. Especially since he wasn't returning to Erebor tonight; he'd probably break his neck trying to climb back up the mountain in the pitch black darkness, even with his rather good night vision. At this rate, he'd be dead before the morning.

"Enough, Elda!" someone shouted from some distance. Elda looked furious now but she relented and returned to washing the clothes she'd left with a glare or two thrown back at Kili. He peered around the camp for any sign of the person who had spoken up in his behalf and that was when he saw Bard step out from behind a couple of shelters and nod at him. "I'm sorry about that. Perhaps you understand her point of view though?"

Kili nodded, not sure he could speak. The one man who didn't owe him anything had stood up for him.

"Please," Bard said, "Come sit by my family's fire and share our food. It's mostly lettuce since that's all we've got left from the Woodland elves kindness, but if you would like some there is plenty."

"No," Kili whispered, "No, I couldn't possibly eat your food. I'm actually here in search of a friend. The elf, Tauriel?"

"She is out hunting. We owe her much. She's a friend of yours?"

"Of a sort," Kili half-smiled.

"Come sit by our fire and wait for her to get back. It shouldn't be long now. She said she wouldn't be out much past dark."

"Erm…"

"Listen, Kili? That's right, aye?" Kili nodded. "There is a lot that I could hold you responsible for but I'm choosing not to because I believe that this rift can be mended and we can bring back the days of old together. I've been told you're to be King Under the Mountain. Do not expect any retribution from me. Please…come share our fire."

"Thank you," Kili whispered and he followed Bard on a winding path through the tents until he saw three children sitting around a crackling fire. They smiled when they saw their father and barely glanced at Kili. They didn't say anything as he sat down but the older boy graciously offered him some of the food he was eating. Kili declined and warmed his hands up against the fire and then said, "Bain, Sigrid, and Tilda, correct?" The three children assented. "I never did properly thank you assisting in the healing of my leg."

"You're welcome," Sigrid murmured.

Then it grew quiet. Kili had no idea what to say and so he let it linger. Bard watched him from across the fire, the flames throwing his face into sharp relief so that he appeared more stern than he most likely was.

"So you're reluctant to become King."

"That's one way of putting it," Kili answered grimly.

"I understand. Becoming a leader to these people is something I never wanted."

"You're doing a good job."

"That's what you're worried about?"

Kili shrugged and averted his gaze into the fire, avoiding Bard's eyes. He realized that it was a sign of acquiescence but it wasn't something he particularly wanted to talk about, especially to Bard.

"I'm beginning to feel as though you don't want to talk about this but let me say my piece first. I don't know you all that well but I know of the Line of Durin. There've been some great dwarves ahead of you, Kili, Thorin included, despite what he did. The fact that you're so reluctant to be King and have some doubts about whether you can be the King your people deserve just goes to show how great you could actually be. You'll listen to the people advising you and you'll work hard because you have something to prove."

"What do you even care for?" Kili whispered.

Bard paused at that question and pondered it quietly for a couple of minutes. Kili didn't press him because he wasn't sure he even wanted to hear the answer, he'd just wanted Bard to stop talking.

"Honestly, because my people need your help and I've got you down here listening to what I'm saying and if you become King, I can take advantage of the relationship that we are starting to develop. But also because I think that there's much you are worrying about that you shouldn't be."

"At least you are truthful," Kili sighed.

There was a shush from the other side of the fire and Kili saw Sigrid murmuring in her younger sister's ear. Tilda's expression turned fierce, bold, and resistant and she stood from her sister's side and sat down beside Kili. She peered up into his face and said, "How old are you, Master Dwarf?"

The entire Bard family sighed and tried to say sorry to Kili with their eyes but he waved their apologies away and said, "I'm seventy-seven."

"Seven's my favorite number," she grinned widely. He returned her smile. That apparently opened him up for more questions because she continued right on with her interrogation, "But you look so young. How are you so old?"

"Dwarves live longer than men therefore our aging process is quite a bit slower. I'm actually considered fairly young among my people."

"Really?" she giggled. "How strange. You're older than Dad." Then she giggled some more. Kili's smile grew larger the longer she laughed until he was laughing right along with her and then everyone else around the fire followed suit. The laughing lifted some of the weight from Kili's chest. He knew it wasn't a permanent lifting and that the weight would be gone as soon as he stopped, but it felt good. He'd always been prone to laughter but it had been days since he'd even cracked a smile. He bent down and ruffled the young girl's hair gently. "Thank you for that, Tilda."

She smiled then asked, "How long does it take to braid your hair like that?"

"My you are curious," Kili said, but his comment didn't dissuade her hopeful expression and so he answered the question. "If I do it myself it can take quite a long time. Usually, I have…" and then his voice faltered and his smile vanished. Tilda noticed and wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "It's okay to be sad," she said.

"My brother," he whispered, "Usually, my brother would do it. I haven't done it since he…died," he paused after that word but noticed the grave expression on the child's face and exhaled deeply, managing to get the strength to continue, "Does it look quite messy?"

"Very," she nodded with a laugh.

"I should do something about that then. Would you like to help me?" The words had slipped out of his mouth before he'd really considered them. It usually wasn't something he let anyone but the people closest to him do. There was something intensely personal about braiding another's hair. But now he had offered and from the glint in her eyes he knew there was no taking it back so he slid down the log he'd been sitting on and leaned back against it so that his head was even with her hands. She undid the braids that were there and brushed out the chunk of hair with her fingers before weaving it back together. Kili closed his eyes and laid there silently as she worked. The rest of the family had moved closer together and began chatting about something altogether unimportant and unrelated.

"There. Done," she declared some time later. He thanked her and sat up. Bard was standing now and he was staring at Kili waiting for his attention.

"Tauriel is back. She's over by those rocks over there. Take this torch with you; you'll need the light."

"Thank you, Bard."

"Thank you," Bard whispered back. "I haven't seen Tilda smile like that for days."

"I like her." They nodded at each other and Kili crept away towards the rocks that Bard had pointed to. It wasn't long before he saw her by the dim light of her own torch. She was kneeling next to two carcasses, skinning one of them. She did it with deft skill and Kili stood for a minute just appreciating the way her hands gracefully wielded the knife. He'd never seen someone make skinning an animal look so easy.

"Tauriel," he whispered into the darkness. He wasn't sure why he was whispering other than it felt like the right thing to do. Tauriel started in surprise when she heard his voice. The knife she'd been holding jerked and she accidentally split the pad of her thumb. She stared at the cut absentmindedly for a moment before ignoring it and returning her gaze to Kili.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

"Kili…"

"I know what you're going to say. Okay, I probably don't actually, but I know that I'm not going to want to hear it so just don't say it, please. I just need to be with you right now, alright? Can that please be enough?"

Tauriel eyed him quizzically for a moment before nodding sharply and continuing her task. Kili approached and sat down closer to her than he'd been intending. Tauriel obviously hadn't expected him to come that near either because her hands stilled on the carcass and he could hear her breathing. Not something that happened often. So he scooted back a tiny bit and watched as she resumed skinning the animal. Her concentration was gone and she finally sighed, putting down the knife, and sat down beside him.

"I do not normally work with someone watching me."

"Sorry," he whispered. He sensed an awkwardness between them that hadn't ever been there before and he didn't know what to do about it. He tried capturing her eyes with his but she kept them determinedly fixed on her lap. He ran through all the possible actions in his mind and decided that forwardness was the best policy. His forwardness was what had gotten them this far in the first place. He took a deep breath and laid his hand on top of hers, which were folded on her lap.

"Tauriel," he said, "Look at me."

She inhaled sharply and did.

"Are you alright?" Kili asked.

"Yes," she said forcefully. Too forcefully. Kili sighed and gripped her hands tighter.

"Listen," he began, "I've spent days wandering about the deepest parts of Erebor because I can't bring myself to look at my own kin; they remind me too much of Thorin and Fili. You're the first thing I've seen, besides a couple of humans I barely know, that isn't a dwarf. It would be very nice if you could talk to me because I can't seem to talk to anyone else."

Tauriel didn't reply but didn't remove her hands from his grasp either. Kili huffed in irritation and then said, "Okay, fine. I'll make it simpler. Tell me something about you that I don't know yet."

"I'm scared," she whispered.

Kili half-smiled at that. He wanted to laugh and tell her how fearless she really was and how amazed he was by it but he knew that was far from helpful. No one was truly fearless and even she could be afraid. There was no sense in pretending otherwise, even though he couldn't really see how that could ever be a true statement. So, instead, he scooted closer to her and strung his fingers in and out of her hands. He focused on the motions and intricate patterns of that when he asked, "Why?"

She was observing their hands too. While she was doing that, Kili tried to find anything in her eyes that would indicate how she was feeling but they were blank and her face was composed. From his experience, however limited, he knew that didn't mean she wasn't feeling something. Besides the one time, when she'd been talking about the starlight, there'd been relatively little emotion from her. It was the way of the elves, apparently, at least that was what Balin had said when he'd asked him about it.

"I have lived for hundreds of years, Kili; more than double your lifetime. And I have never felt anything like this before. I know it is real and I know it is important but I am not sure it can continue."

Kili wanted to panic but he took a deep breath and waited patiently for her to continue. He knew she'd fill the silence.

"I…I do not see where it can go. I cannot be with you for I am elf-kind and you are a dwarf. Your kin would not approve and I would not be welcome. Bard told me you are to be King Under the Mountain and I cannot distract you from your duty, nor will I be able to ever be Queen beside you…that is definitely something that would not be permitted. It has been incredible and profound, Kili, but perhaps it was only a dream."

"I understand," he whispered. Tauriel grew downcast and only smiled when Kili said, "But…" She'd thought he was going to fight and was glad he did, to her surprise. "…I'm going to let you in on a secret. Dwarves have Ones. You are mine. That means there will never be anyone else that I will ever love. It will always be you and I can promise you that without blinking. Now, it does not mean I couldn't live without you, because I could. It would be painful but doable. Many dwarves do it. However, the reason I told you that is because I want you to understand what I mean when I say that it doesn't matter to me that I'm supposed to be King Under the Mountain or that we are two different races. It doesn't matter to me that my kind would severely disapprove or that I'm being absolutely ridiculous. I know I love you and for me that is it. That is all that will ever matter. Now, if you truly believe that what we have isn't worth exploring than I will walk away from here and never return. But if you don't, then I am not going anywhere because I believe we are worth fighting for. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks? If they can't see what's beautiful about the way we feel about each other than they're ignoramuses."

Tauriel was smiling despite herself. She began twirling her fingers among his, but she said, "Very well, but I must remain in Laketown. I have to be doing something."

"You can stay down here as long as you'd like. Does that mean you think this is worth working out?"

"Perhaps," she smiled shyly. Kili grinned and kissed her hands gently. For a brief moment there, he'd forgotten that his brother was dead. He suddenly grew very grim at the thought of leaving Tauriel down here. He wanted her with him always, to ease his pain, but he knew what was important to her was important so he didn't say anything. "Tell me something about yourself that I do not know," she said.

"I don't want to be King Under the Mountain," he sighed.

"I know."

"You do?"

"When I met you, you were full of laughter and smiles and flirtations and teasing. You were not someone who had many cares or concerns placed upon them. Your brother, in the brief moments I saw him, had something in the way his shoulders were raised that spoke to duty. You were not meant for this. But, Kili, you have the qualities it takes to rule. From what I have seen, you are very much like Thorin in that you value family, friendship and loyalty but you are also young and passionate, something that Thorin lost the longer he had been wandering far from home. You also do not share the resentments and anger that had been building up for years in Thorin."

"That's because of you," Kili sighed.

"It does not matter how it came about. You can make peace and you can make this part of the world prosperous once more. I know that."

"I don't see it. All I know is that I miss my brother and my uncle more than I can express and that I can't focus or find anything worthwhile at all."

"All you need is to give it time. But do not risk strife among your people because you are hurting. Sometimes the world does not go the way we want but it is important that we do what is asked of us; that we do our duty."

Kili raised himself to his knees so that his head was even with Tauriel's. He cupped her face with his hands and stroked her cheek softly with his thumb, back and forth, back and forth. She leaned into his touch and he could hear her breathing once more. Then he bent in and kissed her firmly on the mouth before pulling away, his forehead against her's, and he whispered, "What will I ever do when I'm up in that godforsaken mountain and you're down here?"

"Rule," she whispered back.


End file.
